Close to Me

Close to Me

I’ve waited hours for this–
I’ve made myself so sick–
I wish I’d stayed asleep today.
I never thought that this day would end–
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me.

Just try to see in the dark–
Just try to make it work.
To feel the fear before you’re here,
I make the shapes come much too close–
I pull my eyes out,
Hold my breath,
And wait until I shake.

But if I had your faith,
Then I could make it safe and clean–
If only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream.

I’ve waited hours for this,
I’ve made myself so sick–
I wish I’d stayed asleep today.
I never thought that this day would end,
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me.

But if I had your face,
I could make it safe and clean.
If only I was sure,
That my head on the door
Was a dream.

(apologies to Robert Smith and The Cure)

Incinerate

Incinerate

I ripped your heart out from your chest,
Replaced it with a grenade blast.

Incinerate [repeat]

The firefighters hose me down–
I don’t care I’ll burn out anyhow.
It’s 4 alarm girl nothing to see…
Hear the sirens come for me.
You doused my soul with gasoline–
You flicked a match into my brain.

Incinerate [repeat]

The firefighters are so nice.
I remember you so cooolllllld as ice.
Now flames are licking at your feet–
Sirens come to put me out of misery.
You wave your torch into my eyes–
Flamethrower lover burnin’ mind.

Incinerate [repeat]

(apologies to Sonic Youth)

Turn Around

 

Turn Around

Cold hands, warm heart,
Big dreams, false starts.
Those pills don’t work,
They just make it worse.
Don’t say you’re through–
I’ll swim beside you.
So this town, this sea,
Won’t drag you underneath.

You gotta know that this will turn around,
Until then I will not let you down.
When you find your ship has run aground,
You can call me, I won’t let you down–
I won’t let you down.
This will turn around.

Sick days, drunk nights,
Short fuse, loud fights,
Lose weight, all bones,
White trucks, the undertow.
Don’t say you’re done–
‘Cause you’re brave and you’re loved.
And this town, this sea,
It won’t drag you underneath.

You gotta know that this will turn around–
Until then I will not let you down.
When you find your ship has run aground,
You can call me, I won’t let you down–
I won’t let you down,
This will turn around.

I won’t let you down.
You’ve gotta know that this will… 

Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh
Turn around, turn around, turn around oh

(apologies to The Postal Service)

Sunshowers (September 16th)

sunny-rain
the rain is full of ghosts tonight

Had the day off from work, and I’m wondering now if it might’ve been a better idea to go in, just to keep my mind occupied from nine to five, if anything. Instead, I’ve spent this mostly grey day mired in melancholy, haunted by ghosts and watching the strange weather through my window as it shifted back and forth between ominous skies and sunshine. Showers came in fits and starts all day, often even when the sun shone.

There’s an old wives’ tale that claims if it’s raining while the sun is shining, it means the Devil is beating his wife. I made that comment off-hand once at work during a sunshower, and most of my officemates were appalled. Only the oldest person in the room, one of our retired volunteers, had ever heard that expression before– to everyone else, it was arcane. Standing at my kitchen window today, wistful and watching the sun shine through the trees while the rain fell, I remembered that old wives’ tale and I couldn’t help but think how fortunate the Devil is to still have a wife, and how he should probably be treating her better.

I was originally going to post the poem “Neutral Tones” by Thomas Hardy to commemorate my old anniversary, as it’s a perfectly greyish poem for this greyish day, but ironically enough, the tone of the poem wasn’t quite right. Instead, I’m going to share a sonnet from Edna St. Vincent Millay, as it’s much more beautiful and its sentiment seems more appropriate.

rain_whiterose1

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why (Sonnet XLIII)

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

(apologies to Ms. Millay and to Mrs. D.G.S.)

Silver Springs

Got some heartbreaking news through the grapevine the other day, and just felt like sharing one of my favorite performances of one of my favorite songs as I thought it was apropos.  I swear, I can’t make it through this tune without weeping like a damned fool.

So here’s a beautiful song for everyone who’s ever allowed themselves to lose the best thing that ever happened to them.

 

Silver Springs

You could be my silver spring,
Blue green colors flashing.
I would be your only dream–
Your shining autumn, ocean crashing…
And did you say she was pretty?
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don’t wanna know.

I’ll begin not to love you,
Turn around, see me runnin’.
I’ll say I loved you years ago…
Tell myself you never loved me, no.
And did you say she was pretty?
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don’t wanna know.
Oh, no…
And can you tell me, was it worth it?
Really, I don’t wanna know.

Time casts a spell on you, but you won’t forget me.
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me.
I’ll follow you down ’til the sound of my voice will haunt you–
You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you.

I’ll follow you down ’til the sound of my voice will haunt you–
Was I such a fool?
You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you.
Was I such a fool?
I’ll follow you down ’til the sound of my voice will haunt you–
Give me just a chance…
You’ll never get away (never get away, never get away)
from the sound of the woman that loves you.

You could be my silver spring,
My blue green colors flashing.