You remember the scene from The 40 Year-Old Virgin where Seth Rogan describes his crazy weekend in which he went to Mexico and witnessed a terrifying Tijuana sex show involving a woman and a horse, and Steve Carell tries to be cool and describe his equally “crazy” weekend in which he decided to make an egg salad sandwich?
Well, that was my weekend (making tuna egg salad, not seeing a live sex show in a Mexican border town). Pretty much exactly the same, except I had bread, which I reckon means I had one up on Mr. Carell. Actually, come to think of it, I’m also not a virgin AND I’m under 40 years old, which technically means I’ve got THREE up on Carell’s character. So take that, you sons of bitches!
Seriously, though, that couldn’t possibly have been the highlight of my entire weekend, could it? COULD IT?!? I mean, it doesn’t get much better than finishing off a bottle of Wild Turkey while listening to Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy the Silence” on a loop, does it? (On second thought, don’t answer that.)
“All I ever waaaaaanted… all I ever neeeeeeeeded… is heeeeeere, in myyy aaaarms… words are verrrrrry unnecessaaaaaaary… theyyyyyyy can only do harrrrrrrm.” That’s good stuff right there. Why in the hell doesn’t anybody make music like this anymore? I watched Lady Gaga sing a medley of songs from The Sound of Music on the Oscars tonight, and you’d have thought she hung the damn moon. What fucking decade is this? Where in the hell am I? It’s the 21st Century, man… we should be well past “The Lawrence Welk Show” days.