“You told me to go back to the beginning…”
It’s official, kiddos–shit just got real. I have decided to follow the lead of Inigo Montoya and I am going back to the beginning. All the way back. I’m talking Sherman’s march to the sea scorched earth, folks–nothing to see here but smoke and cinders. When one has been so depressed as to contemplate killing oneself, then the only course of action is to follow through on some level. So that is exactly what I am doing here. The man I have been for the last several years is as dead as disco.
I am no longer going to be the person I have been expected to be. There was once a time when I had the courage to stand up for my convictions and live life on my own terms–a time when the fates would throw me a punch and I would punch back twice as hard. I’m returning to that time–I’m gettin’ back in the saddle again, so to speak. So watch the fuck out, life, because I throw a mean jab and a downright wicked right cross.
No more dwelling on the past. No more regrets. I am now concerning myself only with what I should be doing rather than what I should have done. I will live my life as MY life, from my head and my heart, focusing on the things and the people that are truly important to me–those who are truly genuine, and that which is righteous and sincere. My life should resemble Linus’s pumpkin patch: “nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.” I will no longer suffer fools gladly nor tolerate bullshit from fucking phonies. I intend to walk tall, chewing bubblegum and kicking ass like Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live–seeing people and things for what they really are and treating them as such:
Those who show me love shall receive love in return. Those who show me kindness will get kindness in return. Those who show me meanness, or show meanness to those I love, well… those folks will get punched in the mouth and dropped on their ass. Hard. “Be nice, or be away from me,” as my mama used to say.
I’m going to live deep like my homeboy Henry David Thoreau did–sucking out all the marrow of life. Everything from this point forward is going to be intentional and deliberate. No more bullshit. No more pretense. From now on, I will only drink my whiskey straight and my coffee black. What’s the point of drinking either of those if they taste like something else? Life is much too short and far too precious to artificially sweeten anything anymore–the bitterness of those drinks lets me know that I’m alive. I should savor the acridity, not mask it with sugary sweetness. Whiskey should taste like whiskey and coffee should taste like coffee, dammit–they should taste real. Life should taste real.